A serious case of the heebeegeebees!!!

I went down to my studio (basementio)  a few moments ago to check on my kiln, I'm doing a bisque fire tonight. I bent over to peek in the peephole at my witness cone (firing gauge) and I saw a large black beetle on my shoulder, no biggie, I just flicked him off. No sooner then I flicked  him off of me, I felt something on the back on my leg.... inside my pants *gulp*. I think no, it couldn't be and I reach my hand around and  gently touch what is a rather large bulge on the back of my leg!!!

OMG!!!! *heebeegeebees*

I have no idea what it is but it's pulling at my skin and is probably eating me alive!!!! I grab it through my jeans and I squish it and can hear it crunch and I feel pinching on my skin. I AM GOING TO DIE. I hobble my way over to my chair and pull my jeans down still holding on to the intruder who is nothing more but guts and legs mushed all over the inside of my pants. I knew those legs as soon as I saw them.

A damn cave cricket was in my britches!!!! 

So of course I can't put them back on, there's guts and legs all over the inside of them. Well... I had no choice but to walk back across my yard with half of my pants on. Thank goodness it was dark outside or my neighbors who already think I'm a wacko, would have really gotten an eye full. 

I then come into the house and have to explain why I'm flustered, out of breath and only have 1 leg inside my jeans with the rest wadded up while I'm walking half hunched over with my big ole butt and my undies shining for the world to see. Then... I'm told that I am a nutcase! Really? I mean what would you do if you had a unknown large grabby bug in your britches????